Aspergers dating tips

Here are 7 Aspegers dating tips to make dating easier to understand for those on the autism spectrum. Don't miss these tips!.
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She thinks it's creepy. Katherine Streeter for NPR hide caption. Dating isn't easy, and it's even less so when you've got Asperger's, an autism spectrum disorder that can make it hard to read social cues. Jesse Saperstein knows that all too well.

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How does a person with ASD date successfully?

In his new book, " Getting a Life with Asperger's: Lessons Learned on the Bumpy Road to Adulthood ," the year-old tells his fellows on the spectrum that they need to be up front with potential dates that they have Asperger's. And he says they also need to realize that what feels to them like sincere interest can all too often be perceived as creepiness.

This is an edited version of our conversation. You say that some of the traits common in people with Asperger's can make social life especially challenging. I believe my peers and I, we achieve great things by being unrelenting. We don't know when to stop. We can go after things for years. But that relentlessness does not work with humans and human emotions. In adulthood, that translates to full-blown stalking. Sometimes there are legal consequences that could be avoided when the intent is harmless. You have no idea. The hidden curriculum is another good place to start.

She highlights several ways to teach those unspoken, hidden social rules through social narratives, cartooning, Power Cards , and video modeling.


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Many of the basic social rules apply to dating and relationships such making conversation, school dance etiquette, talking on the telephone and eating in restaurants. Since every situation is different and everyone has their own personality, this type of format is great to use with people on the spectrum as the social rule is stated on one side, and the other side is how does it apply to me and what are my feelings around it.

He sent out a list of his personal dating tips which I think are quite good. Here are 10 tips for guys to think about:. Letting other people praise your accomplishments is much more attractive to girls and women than acting like you are your own biggest fan. Work on your manners.

Girls tend to appreciate a guy who knows not to talk with his mouth full, how to stand back and let someone else enter a door first, and how to keep his voice volume low in a crowded movie theater. Get a girl mentor, or several. I made friends with girls in my high school classes who I could ask questions about what girls expected or would like.

An older sister or even your mom can be a great source of information. Find a girl with interests similar to yours. Maybe you both excel in a class. Get to know a girl before you ask her out. I share this awkward experience with you to illustrate some aspects of dating and Aspergers.

How Does a Person with Autism Date successfully?

I encourage you to re-read that article, since most of these Dating Tips come out of that foundational article. If you have mastered the art of starting a conversation , and have idenitifed acquaintances who seem like they could be good friends, think about what actions you can take to help your relationship with that person move to the next level.

Are they truly interested in spending time with you? One example in Ms.

Think About What You are Looking For

However, once he reviewed the sequence of friendship as outlined in the friendship pyramid, he started to realize that she only called him to talk about getting a ride, or to ask him for money to buy lunch at the cafeteria. Once they were at the cafeteria, she would leave him and go sit with her friends. When this realization sank in, he became pretty angry.

Dating Tips for Aspies

Dating is a process. You may end up being acquaintances or just good friends with the person you asked out.


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  • Continue to learn about relationships, friendships, and communicating. Just like with anything else, dating is a skill that takes time to develop. WrongPlanet is a great forum in which to learn from other Aspies what does and does not work in the world of dating.

    Nights out

    There are helpful articles and posts there to help you increase your dating point of reference. For example, Patricia Robinson and Brian King both provide coaching for Aspies in the area of communication, relationship, and dating. Well, I made it through college with a few more dating experiences. I never did form a serious dating relationship. When the time came for us to meet at our agreed upon location, she never showed up!

    But I did not give up! I kept on asking girls out, kept on making mistakes, kept on mis-reading signals, but as I got to know United States culture better, and got to know women better, I slowly became better at becoming a friend, and was able to let the dating happen more naturally.